Forgetfulness

Over more than a year ago - indeed the reason for me starting this blog in the first place - I decided that I would write a short review of each book that I had read in order to assist my memory and to force upon myself the discipline of writing - and, of course, to simply entertain myself. The idea came to me while I was reading a book, the name of which, unfortunately, I cannot remember. While I was reading, I was reminded of a wonderfully lively description of a train journey and yet I couldn't recall whether the description was from the book that I was currently reading at the time or from a different book altogether - and if it was from another book altogether, again, I could not recall the name of it.

Alzheimers runs in my family and I am - or was - fearful of it. Of course, I have more to fear now – and, as my mother has said, even if I did develop some form of dementia, selfish as it might seem, in the later stages of the disease, at least, I would not necessarily be aware of any loss of memory that I might experience anyway and that, instead, it would be more painful for the people around me than it perhaps might be for me – it might not be less painful – I do not know now and I perhaps might never know – even if I did develop alzheimers – but I am always open to doubt – I may very well be aware of the people around me and the pain it might be causing them – although I am conscious that it is presumptuous of me to think, in the first place that, firstly, that there would be anyone around who would care for me and, secondly, that I might be causing them any pain – but irrespective of whether or not I am or am not aware of the people around me and/or any pain I may or may not be causing alzheimers runs in the family and I may very well go on to develop it if I don’t die of cancer beforehand. Although, perhaps I should take consolation in the fact that there is no history of cancer in the family so that I am less likely to develop Alzheimers than I am of developing metastases – however little consolation that might be. After all, we all need to die of something anyway.