As expected, I did indeed have chemotherapy. Whether or not it was my choice is another question altogether. But I had my last dose of IV chemotheraphy on 8 October and finshed the chemotherapy pills a week later. I am still on medication and plan to be for at least the next 5 years but I doubt I will be alive in my 50s. In the meantime, I want to make good use of whatever time I have left.

I have wondered to myself why I chose to post a paragraph or two from my PhD on the experience of recognition and misrecognition - and I can only conclude that I was trying to acknowledge to myself that I was deceiving myself - that, as much as I like to think that I have overcome this disease, there is still a real possiblity that it will return, if indeed it has really left at all. I can not help but think that I am going to die of this disease - and it scares the hell out of me.